Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power (2015 movie) impressions…

I hope they enjoyed paying their rent on time… After the break…

Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power (2015 movie) impressions…

I can’t call these comments a “review.” A review would mean that I watched the entire movie. Oh no. Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power (aka Scorpion King 4: The Lost Throne) requires quite the hefty dose of inebriation or equivalent substances to endure the entirety of this movie without your mind liquifying and oozing out of your head through the nearest convenient orifice.

I’m always amazed at what jobs an actor will take in order to pay their bills on time. It’s one thing to be a struggling actor and have to take any old part thrown your way just to ensure that you don’t have to eat ramen noodles (if you can even afford to eat) for another seven days straight. It’s another when you’re an actor actually known for earlier prominent roles who is now slumming it by being on set for two days and chewing the scenery in some ridiculous costume just so that someone in marketing can slap your name and a photoshopped picture of you on the DVD case for marketing purposes.

“Scorpion King 4: Quest for Power” has more prominent has-been actors than a Muppet movie. Barry Bostwick, Rutger Hauer, Michael Biehn, M. Emmet Walsh, Lou Ferrigno & Don ‘The Dragon’ Wilson all now get to cross off “Acted in a ‘sand & sandals’ B-movie” from their acting bucket list. Lucky them. I still can’t wrap my mind around the fact that Bryant and Batty are reunited after all these years from their ‘Blade Runner’ heyday.

The movie has something to do with an ancient artifact and a crown and…

I can’t. I can’t continue to discuss this movie without my brain objecting.

Before I arrived at my better senses and turned the movie off, here were my thoughts and advice:

  • CGI – Only use it if it’s convincingly real. I play video games. I enter the world of video games knowing that what I see in video games isn’t real. It doesn’t have the expectation of being real. A little artistic license is always required when viewing art. Live action movies have real actors and real sets. Therefore, the CGI should be fairly real as well. In this movie, there is a scene where there are some swinging blades and other deadly devices that are most certainly not real. I really hope that what I saw was a workprint and that the graphics were temporary. I’m guessing that they were not.
  • Stop Ripping Off Better Films. “Raiders of the Lost Ark” (The only Indiana Jones film that matters) continues to be the high watermark for sneaking into an ancient whatever and stealing an ancient whatever. In this movie, two characters attempt to do the same. Why, for the love of Oscar, do films constantly attempt to emulate far better films? It only makes us, the viewing public, remember those better films and makes these current films pale by comparison. Stop that. Be your own film. The “mousetrap” feature in the sequence made me almost want to stop the film right then and there. Because, apparently, thieves never look up…

Sorry. I must be in a really foul mood because I can’t go on. Maybe… Maybe I’m being too harsh on this film. Maybe I need to take another look at this film before I attempt to evaluate it.

Consider yourself warned, though.

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