Office Etiquette – E-Mail Wars…

Office Etiquette – E-Mail Wars after the break…

Office Etiquette – E-Mail Wars…

I work in an office where I have to routinely deal with an idiot. I’m pretty certain that I can’t say who it is without some sort of threat of a libel suit or anything like that. Therefore, let me name this particular idiot, “Dimwit Ain’t German,” and simply leave it at that.

“Dimwit Ain’t German” (or “DAG” for short) uses a pathetic and most annoying E-Mail tactic. If you use this E-Mail tactic, you are pathetic and annoying, too.

The pathetic and annoying E-Mail tactic is to suddenly change topics for no rhyme or reason. Here, let me give you an example:

Me: “I am trying to understand why your department does not take it’s reports from the bin assigned to them.”

Dimwit: “Have you been stapling faxes together recently? Because I specifically told you to stop stapling faxes together 2 years ago and suddenly I am receiving stapled faxes again.”

See? The response simply misses the whole point, now doesn’t it? This tactic, thankfully, can be easily brushed aside by responding thusly (although not exactly, your mileage may vary):

Me: “Thank you for changing the topic without rhyme or reason, Dimwit. Even though this has nothing to do with why your department has decided to not pick up your reports from the bin assigned to them, let me answer your false allegation anyway. First, I’m busy. I’m busy all day long. I work hard, unlike yourself, who comes in whenever they feel like it, closes their office door, proceeds to ignore reality for two and a half hours, eats a leisurely ninety minute lunch (sometimes off-site), considers ‘conference calls’ hard work, stamps out a few E-Mails for the next hour to appease the few people who might actually end your career here, outsources their work to underlings for the next half-hour to pretend like they have a pulse, then goofs off for the last half-hour before walking out and calling it a day.”

“See, unless it’s in an E-Mail, I can’t help you out. You told me ‘Don’t staple faxes together’ and, for f**k’s sake, I’m just going to believe you. However, that was two years ago and you told it to me verbally. So, guess what? It doesn’t count. I get told lots of things verbally. Every day. All the time. If it’s important, it eventually gets written down. If it’s not important, then no one has the motivation to write it down because it probably sucked to begin with. Is it on paper somewhere? If it is, show me and I’ll apologize. If it isn’t, then stop being a waste of my time, and tell me why your department of half-wits and burn-outs aren’t doing their jobs, Mkay?”

There are professionals out there, right now, serving fries and washing tables. They’re the lucky ones. A lot of professionals have just stopped looking for work altogether.

Then there are the fools, who work full-time and have managerial positions, that I have to do deal with everyday.

This is why my country can never have anything nice.

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