Switzerland Has No More Bears…

Switzerland Has No More Bears after the break…

Switzerland Has No More Bears…

America tends to be the butt of jokes for the rest of the world. It’s not difficult to see it from the rest of the world’s perspective:

  • We’ve got a lot of guns. A lot of guns. All shapes. All sizes. All styles. All colors. And we enjoy inventing more of them.
  • Most nations have some form of public health care. In other words, the average citizen doesn’t have to worry about going to the doctor or paying for medication – The government has you covered. Not so in America. OK, technically, America has such programs like Medicaid and Medicare but that’s not really the same thing. For most Americans, if you want health care insurance, you have to pay for it through private insurance.
  • The metric system. We don’t use it. The rest of the world does.
  • Football. No, not our football (which the rest of the world calls “American Football”), but football (which we call “Soccer”). It’s not even popular enough to be the red-headed stepchild of sports in our country – That would be ice hockey. In the rest of the world, though, it is so popular that there are riots in the streets when someone wins, loses, are some referee makes a controversial call.

Yes, America is everyone’s favorite whipping boy for these reasons and so many more.

But the rest of the world isn’t “Little Miss Perfect” either.

Case in Point – Switzerland. Home of Swiss Army Knives (I think… That could be Sweden), supposed World War II Neutrality (Yeah, we’re on to you about that), secret bank accounts… And now, no more bears. Not a single one.

What is up with that?

Look, every culture is different. Diversity is a good thing. Who wants a world where everyone thinks and acts the same? Our diversity is our strength. Diversity is what makes the planet special.

However, there are some questions as to why Switzerland shot it’s only bear:

  • Seriously, is Switzerland the size of a postage stamp? It’s not Rhode Island. Granted, Switzerland isn’t the size of Russia but you’d think that a country the size of Switzerland would have more then one bear. Noah’s Ark had two bears and that was a boat. A big boat, granted, but still, it was a boat. And it had two bears.
  • Couldn’t Switzerland have given the bear a better name then “M13”? Didn’t it have a nickname or something? I mean, it was the only bear in Switzerland. It’s not like there were an army of bears and the Swiss government had to categorize all of the bears and label them individually. It was one bear. So what are they going to call the next bear, “M14”?
  • Doesn’t Switzerland have a zoo that they could have placed the bear in? A circus, perhaps? I know that it’s Switzerland and maybe Switzerland doesn’t believe in zoos or circuses but, still, couldn’t they have called their neighbors and asked them if they had a zoo? “Hey, yeah, this is Switzerland… Yeah, what’s up, Germany? Anyway, yeah, look… We’ve got a bear… Yeah, I know… Look, we’ve got a bear and we’re looking to get out of the whole ‘wild bear’ thing and… Yeah, we only have one bear… Well, they’re expensive. I mean, we only got into the whole ‘wild bear’ thing because France goaded us into it a while back. You know how they are, with their fashion and the… Anyway, bottom line is we have a wild bear and we’re looking to offload it. Give it a better place to live. It’s just not a good fit for us. Keeps raiding beehives and pic-a-nic baskets…”

I just can’t be serious with a country that is threatened by a single bear enough to kill it. It’s a bear. Yes, bears can kill people and I certainly wouldn’t want to be near a bear in general. However, was the bear charging at someone at the time? Threatening the life of a baby in a baby carriage as the mother of that baby stood in horror? Don’t they have tranquilizer darts or something for bears in Switzerland? Does Switzerland even know about tranquilizer darts?

Regardless, Switzerland no longer has any bears. Good job, Switzerland. That’ll teach those bears to… I don’t know, do whatever bears do… In their natural habitat.

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