The Losers (2010 movie) review…

The Losers (2010 movie) review after the break…

The Losers (2010 movie) review…

I’m just going to write it – This movie was unnecessary. It’s that simple.

“The Losers” is a 2010 movie about… Well, it’s the A-Team without the A-Team intellectual property. “The Losers” is “The A-Team” for people too young to remember what the “A-Team” was. Don’t believe me?

Literally, this was the synopsis that was pulled from IMDB (purportedly written by Warner Bros. Studio, no less):

A tale of double cross and revenge, centered upon the members of an elite U.S. Special Forces unit sent into the Bolivian jungle on a search and destroy mission. The team-Clay, Jensen, Roque, Pooch and Cougar -find themselves the target of a lethal betrayal instigated from inside by a powerful enemy known only as Max. Presumed dead, the group makes plans to even the score when they’re joined by the mysterious Aisha, a beautiful operative with her own agenda. Working together, they must remain deep undercover while tracking the heavily-guarded Max, a ruthless man bent on embroiling the world in a new high-tech global war.

Granted, “The Losers” isn’t as kid-friendly as “The A-Team” was on television: There’s a romance involving the mysterious Aisha (Let me reveal the mystery so you are less persuaded to watch this film – She’s the daughter of the drug lord that the group kills at the beginning of the film). There’s also the usual assortment of soft PG-13 elements but nothing that little Johnny or Susie hasn’t heard or seen on the playground. In fact, “The Losers” is what a PG film might have been in the pre-“Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom” days.

I keep trying to find the enthusiasm to continue to write about this film but I simply can’t muster the strength. Jason Patric is so comedic as the main villain (Max) that you can never take the film seriously. Perhaps if this film had tried for a comedic homage to the A-Team it would have found some traction but instead there’s also a betrayal sub-plot involving one team member tired of hiding from the authorities. The surprise twist that Aisha wants to kill team leader Clay because he killed her drug lord father can’t be taken seriously.

I can’t understand why this film was made. What was that studio pitch like?

“Yeah, we want to make a film called ‘The Losers.'”

“OK, what’s it about?”

“It’s about a team of mercenaries who are framed for a crime they didn’t commit.”

“You mean, The A-Team?”

“No, this one has a leader who always has an alternate plan in case the main one goes bad.”

“You mean, The A-Team.”

“Yeah… Well, this one involves clearing their names by finding the person who framed them.”

“Just like The A-Team.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it’s true.”

“Is it true that this film is going to have a mild sex scene and people get capriciously killed?”

“The A-Team was a prime time kid’s show in the 1980s. In other words, this is a PG-13 A-Team for people born after 1985.”

“*sigh* Yeah.”

“The Losers” isn’t to “The A-Team” what “Harry Potter” is to “Star Wars,” it’s “The Losers” is to “The A-Team” what “Battlestar Galactica (the first TV series)” is to “Star Wars” without any of the corny nostalgia thrown in. There. That’s as much as I’m going to write about this.

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