Stolen Christmas Lights…

Stolen Christmas Lights after the break…

Stolen Christmas Lights…

Let me be blunt – Society & civilization sucks. We will never reach that magical balance between decent people & complete fcuking a$$tards that deserve to be beaten to within an inch of their lives before finally letting them die alone in the middle of some anonymous forest for the animals to feast upon their bodies. For every person who does the right thing, there’s a phone book filled with people who will do the wrong thing & be so bold about it as to try to leverage that into a reality television show (Balloon Boy & White House gate crashers: I’m looking at you &, yes, it’s on purpose).

Today, my family discovered that our outdoor Christmas lights were stolen. The thieves unplugged the lights, wrapped them up & left in the night.

To the complete fcuking a$$holes who stole our Christmas lights: I have no idea if there is a Hell or not. No clue. There’s a bunch of child-humping priests & Popes that say that there’s a Hell. There’s also that thing called “Reality” & “Common Sense” that put a damper on the whole “Fire & Brimstone & Humanoid creatures with pitchforks & horns on their heads” scene. So, make up your own mind in that one narrow aspect of life.

Now, it’s perfectly illegal for me to write anything directly threatening you. That’s a reality. I can be glib about it & threaten a generalized class of people that closely resembles you but not you in particular. However, I’m not even going to do that.

Instead, I’m just going to say that you are a sad fcuker. Really, you are. I have no idea who you are. None.

You could be some crack wohre desperate for a fix & needed the lights to sell so you could get your fix. That makes you sad.

You could be some little teenage fcuk who thought you were being all bada$$ by stealing the lights to show off to your lame little wohre girlfriend or impress your equally loser friends.

Maybe you are homeless & thought that it was OK to steal the lights because, siht, we live in a house & you don’t & that makes it A-OK to take from us.

Was it some stupid college prank & you needed those lights to get into some greek frat/sorority like Delta Delta Lamea$$ Losers Who Can’t Find Real Friends?

At the end of the day, regardless of your lame-a$$ reason for stealing the lights, you look completely pathetic. You just stole $75 dollars worth of lights. Good for fcuking you! Better still, they aren’t putting them back up. Ever. That’s right – They aren’t rewarding your kind with more freebies. That’s a loss for everyone since one of the few joys they had was displaying a little holiday cheer.

Why not find it within your heart (You still have one, right? Probably not) to just put back the lights where you found them? They aren’t yours. That’s the reality.


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