Weekend Edition…

christmas crabbiness, don’t pull people from cars, adventures in finer living & more dumb commercials all after the break…

adventures in finer living, part 20…

“deck chair” day. yeah, i know – i shouldn’t be having deck chair days. there’s plenty o’ things i could be doing that’s non-deck chair. it’s not like i didn’t do anything, it’s just that i didn’t do things that could be construed as significant.

tomorrow’s another day, though. to use obama’s parlance, i know of a few “shovel-ready” tasks that’s not “deck chair” material. i suppose tomorrow is as good a time as any to start on them.

christmas crabbiness…

i honestly don’t know why i look forward to christmas. i really don’t. i know, i know… i love my family, i want them to be safe & to be here for the next umpteen million christmases. a slight exaggeration, granted, but you get the drift.

having written that, though… why do women get so bent out of shape over the holidays? what is it with them? it’s not a fcuking wedding, kids! relax! i think this is just another “men are from mars, women are from someplace seriously fcuked up venus” issue.

when it’s finally just me (yeah, it’ll be just me because, let’s face it, i’m guessing that women aren’t going to be lining up around the clock to spend the holidays around someone like myself) there’ll be:

  • no fcuking tree.
  • no fcuking outside decorations.
  • no fcuking interior decorations.
  • no fcuking christmas music (ok, not necessarily true – maybe some star wars “christmas in the stars” or old school sesame street christmas music. maybe throw in some disco christmas music just for kicks).
  • just… no fcuking holiday stress. none. nada. zilch.

look, what’s the point of a holiday if you get stressed out over it? it’s not a fcuking business presentation, kids! it’s a fcuking holiday! relax!

does anyone listen? of course not…

don’t pull people from cars…

so, the california supreme court just said that you could be sued if you pull someone out of a car that’s been in an accident & you feel that the people in the car may be in danger.

fcuk.

you know, how a$$-backwards is this? first, you can’t be a substitute teacher because you’re liable if the school doesn’t update it’s internet filters & now you can’t be a good samaritan because you’re liable if the person you’re saving from a potentially life-threatening situation thinks you’ve injured them during their rescue!

add to this that the us supreme court says that local governments can take away your house because they can get a better deal with some “big box” warehouse retail chain & there’s simply no reason to help anyone anywhere at anytime.

fcuk.

adventures in finer living, part 19…

“deck chair” day. ok, so i shoveled snow. big deal. so i helped out for a little bit with holiday preparations. big deal. heck, i even attempted to hook up a webcam to my computer before realizing that maybe i shouldn’t mess with technologies not suited for windows xp.

bleh. i got so bored that i started messing around with the oblivion toolkit to make a cheat item. yeah… i’m on the short list for “person of the year.” fcuk you, too.

more dumb commercials…

i hate commercials because, most of the time, i know it already & if i don’t then it probably isn’t that important to my life. i could care less when the next nascar race is. do you like nascar? then, odds are, you don’t need a commercial to tell you when the next nascar race is because you can just look that crap up on the internet.

so, the next stupid commercial that irritates me is one where some mother is sitting at the edge of a bed, crying her brains out as a father is pulling porno magazines out from under the mattress of what i presume to be some teenage boy’s bed. the overall gist is that you should tell your parents what you want for christmas.

this is just a lame commercial on so many levels i almost contemplated not even writing about this.

first, how many teenage boys still get their porno from actual paper magazines? hello? we’re in the 21st century now! internet! if you can’t get past the internet filters at home, then maybe you shouldn’t even be breeding in the first place! cripes, go onto a library computer & hit the porno sites. go onto a friend’s computer… porno via magazines died in the early to mid 90’s. it’s like analog telephones.

second, and this is just a gripe in general but it dovetails into this commercial… what the fcuk is up with women being so anti- porn? you know, let’s get something out into the open – males have sex drives, ladies. yeah, i know… a real revelation. take a moment for it to sink in. i’ll never comprehend why women feel oh-so-fcuking offended that men actually want to have sex with females. out of curiosity, what the fcuk is the alternative? would this chick be happy if her son walked up to her one day & told her he wanted to become a priest? would that give her fits of joy?! i’m just curious. i can still be curious, right? that’s not an offense yet, is it?

third, if this is a gaming store making this commercial, don’t they realize that this kid is pirating all of the games that he’s playing anyway? oh, big fcuking shocker there! wait, if your brain couldn’t handle the concept of teenage males actually wanting (yes, wanting!) to have sex with females, then your head will just downright implode over the concept of teenage males pirating games & music off of the internet! say it ain’t so… say it ain’t so… “gee, mom, why don’t you buy me the game/cd/dvd that i downloaded illegally from bittorrent two months ago?” right.

fourth, wtf – is mom & dad part of the fcuking cia? oh, this really inspires communication with your kids – snooping around their bedroom when they aren’t there! this is exactly the reason why i learned to encode all of my sensitive transmissions at an early age. who needs dick cheney & the black helicopters when mom & dad will do the snooping for nothing?!

i was going to write a conclusion to this but i’m tired.

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