gran torino (movie)…

gran torino (movie) after the break…

gran torino (movie)…
i have no idea what got clint eastwood’s panties all knotted up in a bunch but he’s finally lost his marbles with a movie that convinces me that dirty harry needs to be placed in a retirement home & under sedation.

if you don’t know by now, “gran torino” is sort of like an unofficial dirty harry movie. clint eastwood stars as an uber-aged korean war guy who doesn’t want to move into a retirement home, is more then a bit bent out of shape that non-caucasians have not only moved in next door but have pretty much permeated his neighborhood & that he reluctantly “comes out of retirement” or whatever catchphrase he’ll be using when an asian gang threatens the family next door & himself once the gang realizes he’s no powderpuff.

ok. let’s get one thing clear – clint eastwood, even though the man looks like he’s pushing the century mark, could probably kick my butt right now. at this very instant.

however… this film looks like an unintentional comedy. seriously. this film should just be entitled “aarp wet dream” because that’s essentially what this is. maybe they should just call it “grumpy old racist guy going batsiht insane & channeling ‘d-fens’ from the movie falling down.” i dunno. the trailer made this thing look pretty funny. i had to withhold from snickering when, at one point, eastwood growls “get off my lawn.” no, seriously… he actually says that. in a serious voice.

look, clint, can i talk to you for a moment? just for a moment.

everyone wants to cheat father time. it’s instinctual. women go batsiht insane over trying to look like they’re always 29, men gobble up the penis pills like they’re pez candy, we get toupees, hair plugs, botox, silicone, mudbaths… after a certain point, though, it looks stupid. “rolling stones still on tour” stupid. “madonna still on tour with the red string around her wrist” stupid.

until we get to that stage of civilization where we can pop a pill & give the finger to father time for real, we’re just going to have to get used to the fact that, after a certain age, we’re fighting a losing battle. that’s just the way it is. no one is calling you a wimp, clint. you ain’t a wimp. however, you also ain’t a spring chicken anymore. maybe, for a centurian, you’re a tough cookie. good for you.

the whole “gran torino” thing, though… well, it just looks stupid. come on. let it go. we all liked you in dirty harry, we all regarded you as a tough guy when you were in your prime but… it’s time to go. we all grow out of diapers someday, ok? we all graduate out of that phase of our lives. it’s time to wear the big boy pants now. even woody allen has older leading ladies in his movies nowadays.

no one likes the wrinkles but we have to submit to reality. “gran torino” ain’t reality & it ain’t the clint i know. time to sit in the rocking chair, big guy. you deserve it. you had a good career. go sit in the rocking chair. no one’s dissing you. the rocking chair is a reward, not a prison.

let’s just put “gran torino” on a shelf for awhile, ok? no one’s destroying it. we’re just putting it on the shelf for awhile. if you want to watch it later, we can watch it later. just put it on the shelf for now, sit in your rocking chair on the porch & relax.

sheesh.

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