the last sect (movie)…

the last sect (movie) after the break…

the last sect (movie)…

i’m on a movie-watching tear again but with cable channels they don’t really give me the quality b-movie choices. i hate “new” b-movies because they don’t even try anymore being a quality film, they’re shot on this crappy video stock that makes it look like some kids with a real fancy camcorder shot it. bah.

and. all. their. actors. talk. like. this. oh. my.

so, when i went in to watch the movie “the last sect,” i had some pretty low expectations. first off, it had david carradine playing his usual david carradine schtick & you have to wonder what new toy he bought with the paycheck from this movie because he certainly didn’t do this movie for the script. he pretty much has a glorified cameo in this movie, he’s in his little study or whatever until the end when he confronts the villain. bang. there’s your david carradine role for you.

the film, which i didn’t really bother to watch very thoroughly because it got very stale very quickly, had something to do with female vampires luring human males through the internet & then they do some sort of semi-kinky video thing with them – sort of like a snuff film but for vampires. anyway, one of the female vampires is some sort of lesbian & is trying to seduce this human female and…

let me stop the review right now, ok? listen up, oh you inspired b-movie directors to be. here’s a lesson to put into your scrapbook of b-movie director wisdom:

if you are going to make a movie about lesbian vampires, show the skin.

look, kids, no one reading this is stupid, ok? imagine if you made a movie about car racing but never actually, well, showed any car racing. that’d be stupid, right? well, don’t make a movie about lesbian vampires without… well, the action & scenery associated with lesbian vampires. that’s all.

at any rate, i found this movie so low-grade b-movie that i just fast forwarded through most of it. as soon as i figured out the movie was going all pg-rated with the lesbian vampire stuff, i knew that the rest was going to be lame as well. the one part that i thought was interesting was the really gaunt-looking guy who totally kicked butt against all of these wacky male zombie-like thingies. he’d have this fight technique of putting a knife on the table, kicking your butt without it & then taking the knife off the table, finishing you off with it & then putting it back down on the table again. kind of cool.

there’s a twist ending where the human female turns into a vampire at the very, very end but i didn’t care because i didn’t really watch enough of it to care.

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