novachord…

novachord & the trimuphant return of the whizzball report all after the break…

novachord…

i used to play a musical instrument ages ago back when i was still young & fertile. those days are long gone, of course; today i’m just old, grumpy & constantly switching the names of lame comic strips as a result of my ever-worsening alzheimer’s.

a part of me still enjoys the concept of playing a music instrument, though; in fact, i wasn’t half-bad at the instrument that i played. the problem that i had was that there was this one kid who could play just absolutely awesome. no joke – this kid was far beyond what anyone else could do.

musical directors, listen up – here’s the tip that no student will ever admit to your face but you know is secretly true because you’ve probably already been there: kids don’t like kids who can play really awesome. look, at the end of the day, no one wants to look bad. that’s just human nature. we all want to look like we can hold our johnsons without our parents dictating step-by-step instructions. when a kid shows up, though, who’s playing like they’ve been playing for the past twenty years, well – that disrupts the balance of things. it don’t matter that the rest of us can play ok or pretty good or even pretty darn good – we all look like we completely suck dirty, sweaty, smelly cadaver ass next to this guy (or gal).

the best thing you can do, band director, is to put together a group of evenly-talented players. then you’ve got something – now everyone is competing with everyone else to see who can be the best player. you get a better product that way. but if you’ve got some guy in your group that can just outplay everyone else… well, what’s the sense of being in the band? i don’t want to get constantly shown up by this guy. look at him! he belongs in a freakin’ grown-up rock band! what’s he doing playing with us? hey, i’ve got better things to do then to be put out to dry by some guy who can nail a song on his fourth try while it takes me four days to get through it without sounding like i just woke up from a coma.

so what does this have to do with the novachord? not much. i just like perusing the intertubes & i happened upon this obsolete musical instrument & it reminded me of why i don’t really do the musical instrument thing anymore. the novachord, before anyone gets wet over it, is just a really old predecessor to the modern-day synthesizer. apparently, novachords are massively complex & by no means something you should play or collect unless you’re an electrical wizard who’s more then willing to devote thousands of hours a year towards making sure the damn thing doesn’t burst into flames (i understand the electric bill is also quite high when you turn these things on so you may need some buko bucks in that department as well).

anyway, a non-offensive post that won’t be viewed much. the wave of the future. enjoy.

the triumphant return of the whizzball report…

i don’t know how but i can get back into whizzball. let the whizzballing commence…

for june 9, 2008 (make-up):

start = 287. end = 286. net gain = 0.

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