Weekend Edition…

atari flashback 3, portal 2 leak & the end of whizzball all after the break…

atari flashback 3…

i am officially letting go of this product. sad.

let me explain.

for those that don’t know, the atari flashback “series” (there’s only two of them but i guess that’s enough to call it a series) were small gaming consoles that were designed to emulate the atari vcs (aka “atari 2600 gaming console”). the first one wasn’t really a true atari emulation but sold well enough for there to be a sequel, atari flashback 2. atari flashback 2 was a true “atari-2600-on-a-chip” type of emulation that made all the fans happy & apparently sold pretty well as well.

…and that’s where the ship drops off the edge of the world.

like all wonder-products, the atari flashback 3 was going to be the uber-ultimate flashback with every bell & whistle that atari fans had been scampering for. chief amongst these bells & whistles would’ve been the ability to download new games (aka “cartridges”) & other goodies. there was even talk (and prototypes made) of a portable flashback.

all vaporware now. lost…like tears…in the rain (yes, if you recognize that as a “blade runner” reference, you get the gold star of the day. apply the gold star directly to your forehead & wear it with pride. pride!).

anyway, i’m just sad that these products are never coming out (i presume they’re canceled based on atari doing poorly enough to be “folded” back into infogrames out something to that effect & curt vendel basically not saying anything about these items [i consider curt vendel to be atari] for the past half-year or so).

crud. crud crud crud crud crud.

crud.

portal 2 leak…

portal is a game by valve that utilizes the concept of real-game “portals” – think of a door in your basement garage that miraculously links to your 2nd floor bedroom & that’s the general gist of portals. space geeks can use “wormholes” as their point of reference.

anyway…

portal itself is a nice short game that had more then a few shortcomings, mainly that it was short & was played for laughs. i never understood the whole “playing for laughs” part because that part didn’t work right from the start. look, if you’re going to connect yourself to the half-life franchise then you have to play the siht straight, ok? half-life might be far-fetched sci-fi but, at the end of the day, it’s straight far-fetched sci-fi. it’s ok to add a hint of dark humor but the developers went for the whole monty python thing and… folks, if i need a good laugh (and cry), i can just look at my paycheck. let me escape for a while, mkay?

another thing i didn’t like about portal was the “your friend is your enemy in disguise” bs crapola plot device tha,t oh, i don’t know, everyone fcuking uses nowadays! you know, the concept was pretty fresh when systen shock 2 used it back in, oh, wait… 1999! fcuking 1999, people! that’s when the concept was fcuking fresh and it gave you a “wow, neato” reaction when dr. polito was actually shodan.

however, everyone is now using that sorry-ass plot device thinking that it’s going to get a rise out of the pot-smoking dweebs who swear by the console & think pc gaming is in its final throes. hmm, check it out, bioshock used that sad device & also portal.

so, you may be asking yourself, wtf does this have to do with “portal 2”? well, if rumor has it, the nimrods at valve are going to be dipping into the “your friend is your enemy in disguise” bs plot device again. that’s right – switch out glados for the guy who invented aperature science corporation or whatever its called.

you know, let me just address the developers right now for a moment…
no offense, but i liked your game. liked. it was cute, had a cute gimmick. great.

ditch the “let me convince you that i’m your friend only to turn out that i’m your enemy” plot. just… don’t do it. you guys are smart, right? make a lot of money, can program pretty well… so, do yourselves a favor & go down a different road this time. you can keep the portals. keep the portals. no one is saying get rid of the portals. i didn’t say it so if you heard someone say “get rid of the portals,” it wasn’t me.

but the whole “let me convince you that i’m your friend only to turn out that i’m your enemy” plot is just tired. let it go. let it go gracefully to the land of tired plot devices. let it sit with the world war ii genre on the porch, in their rocking chairs while sipping their lemonade. let them talk to the strolling text adventures that walk by.

the star of your show are portals. it ain’t glados. it ain’t “the ratmen.” give us a long game with lots of portals. leave out the plot twist that everyone knows is coming. that’s all. great.

the end of whizzball…

i’m more then a bit pissed but after another day of not getting into my whizzball account, i’m shutting the interest down. i don’t know what’s going on. other people can get into it but not me. i ain’t fighting it. i’ve got better things to do.

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