diary of the dead…

diary of the dead & the whizzball report all after the break…

note – do yourself a favor & read the “leaving comments” page before leaving a comment. thanks.

diary of the dead…

everyone laughs at one-hit wonders but one-hit wonders have something that no-hit wonders have: a hit. the great irony in life is that many of us will turn out to be no-hit wonders or this “hit” will be so small as to realistically not be a hit at all.

in other words, you may be the greatest blues band from nowhere county but that doesn’t mean you’re a great blues band. or even a good band. or even a fair one or one that someone would bother to listen to without suppressing the need to laugh or vomit.

george romero filmed a black-and-white indie film about zombies trying to break into a house & instantly became an one-hit wonder. ever since, he’s been tied to the zombie genre like george washington is tied to the birth of our nation.

the problem with romero is that, even in the zombie genre, he’s beginning to slip just a tad.

his high watermark in the zombie world will always be the film “dawn of the dead.” afterwards, he’d have his grandiose original version of the follow-up, “day of the dead,” stripped down until it looked like that it was filmed in someone’s favorite abandoned mine shaft because romero sounded like a fun guy & as long as he bought the property owner a case of beer he could do with the mine shaft however he pleased.

“land of the dead” was a high-budgeted fcuk-up that shook the world awake to the reality that, yes, virginia, romero really has lost his bearings & maybe, like another george (lucas), perhaps his better days were behind him & that rocking chair looks mighty more comfortable then it did twenty years prior.

“diary of the dead” looks to re-set the “dead” genre with a tired technique: “you are there filming it” shaky-cam. this was done in the overhyped “blair witch project” & the surprisingly not horrible (at least until the end) “cloverfield.” a group of film students are there when the zombie apocalypse unfolds & films the ensuing carnage.

this film sucks. i’m sorry, i really tried to get into this film. unfortunately, this is the cinematic equivalent of a pitcher who can’t get out of a first inning to save his life. please, stop. stop. maybe, at some point in your life, you could throw strikes whenever you wanted to, you could get out the top batters of your day & not even break a sweat. however, you got old. the fastball got a little slower, the curveball started curving a bit less & everyone at the plate stayed young. it’s not a good combination. it happens to all of us.

the film’s “protagonist” (if you could call him that) comes off as such an ashsole that you, quite honestly, pray that a zombie eventually gets to him. thankfully, one does but it’s far too late to save the movie by then.

and why, oh dear gosh why, must everything in this film be explained five times over? is the youtube generation really that stupid? are they? “oh my gosh, you’re taping everything. what does that say about society?” “the lies are the truth & the truth are the lies.” such rubbish…

the kids are so fcuking stupid in this film that it hurts my brain to even think about this movie even for one minute longer then i have to. only two sequences in the entire film begins to earn my respect: when they’re with the “black panther” people & inside the house of one of the females. even then, it’s sort of like picking through a barrel of rotten apples to decide which apples are the least spoiled.

ugh. i feel so sad for romero. oh well… retirement may not be such a bad thing for him… we’ll always have “dawn of the dead” (the original)…

the whizzball report…

start = 310. end = 307. net gain = +2.

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