Weekend Edition…

patches for computer games, what’s wrong with jim henson company, baby butts, the whizzball report #1 & #2 all after the break…

note – got something to say? read the “leaving comments” page first. thanks.

patches for computer games…

here’s a thought to all you egg-head “i’m smarter then you b/c i can code in 9 different languages” types – when you create a game, put a direct link to the patch for that game right on the front of your web site!

i am not a fcuking treasure hunter! i don’t care to be a fcuking treasure hunter! i am all for programmers to continually improve their games & i have no problems whatsoever if you feel the need to release 9 trillion patches for your game. good for you – you are a hero. take a victory lap.

what i can’t stand is when i need to start hunting for the fcuking latest patch, i have to put on my fedora, grab my whip (no! stop your perverted thoughts right there! you know i’m making a reference to indiana jones, fcuktard!) & machete so i can chop through the 9 trillion websites before i find the patch that i’m looking for.

is it…? no, i have to go to the “support” page. is it…? no, they refer me to the publisher. is it…? no, the publisher’s support page won’t load. is it…? no, the servers are all full. i’ll go to an independant site. is it…? you get the drift.

i’m not 14 years old anymore – i don’t care for bells & whistles. good for you that you have a flash-enabled, javascript-drenched, java-infested, chat-enabled, forum-enhanced website that’s brimming with neato-keen special effects.

just give me the fcuking patch already. sheesh.

what’s wrong with the jim henson company…

it took the walt disney company about 20+ years to right themselves after walt disney drank himself to death (ok, that’s not the official cause but when was the last time the official cause was the real cause?). however, the disney company was the disney company & a ship that big never sinks to the bottom of the ocean.

granted, the walt disney company has since done a lot of bone-headed moves (desecration of epcot center, ignorance of tron brand, ignorance of roger rabbit brand, cheap-quels, hannah montana, high school crapfest 1-9, etc. so forth) all in the interest of the almighty dollar bill but at least it had a few good post-walt years under its belt that it can claim.

i don’t think the jim henson company is going to be so lucky. henson’s claim to fame were the kid shows “sesame street,” “the muppet show” & “fraggle rock.” sure, along the way were a few movies, some more cultish then others (who else but jim henson could have pulled off “dark crystal”?) & a few equally cultish shows (the jim henson hour, the storyteller).

after jim henson dropped dead, though, its been all drivel ever since. sure, everyone points to the cult tv show “dinosaurs” as a success but that project was the dying breath of jim – what truly post-henson creation has actually shined? has actually broken through the crust of “damn – jim would’ve been proud of that”?

i rant about this because i just saw as crystal clear a reason for why the jim henson company is floundering as i ever will & they are called “the skrumps.”

“the skrumps,” as rendered by the jim henson company on some fancy computer system, is about a garage band featuring a guitarist, a drummer & the band’s groupie all made up of blobby-looking creatures. apparently, the rest of the world is normal except that it is now inhabited by blobby-looking creatures enamored about being in a garage band.

the problem is that the source material is completely different &, quite frankly, a lot more endearing. the skumps, as originally envisioned, lived in their own unique world, had nothing to do with garage bands & each had their own eccentric personalities (one liked to steal “bubble baths,” another was sort of a walking version of oscar the grouch, etc.). heck – i’d much rather watch a cloth muppet sketch of the original material then i ever would of these fancy computer graphics version of the garage band.

i know, i know… this is for kids & not just small kids but for that age group when the kids are too old to be cute but too young to even call themselves “tweens.” however, this is precisely the reason why you need to stretch their imaginations. this is the time when they are impressionable. this is the time to give them the culture that the consumer environment rarely delivers to them.

look back at the muppet show. that show challenged little kids by offering fare they would never have otherwise been exposed to. the muppet show spoiled its audience with concepts & themes far advanced from otherwise normal childhood fare. was it also funny & irreverent? sure! it was, after all, a kid’s show. jim henson, though, knew enough to put into his shows concepts (visual styles, musical genres, philosophy) that he knew would challenge youngsters.

where the fcuk is that in “the skrumps”? where?

the difference between “the skrumps” as originally envisioned & “the skrumps” as date-raped by the jim henson company is all the evidence you need that the jim henson company has completely lost focus on what made it great in the first place.

the walt disney company eventually found their footing enough to bring us such post-disney classics like “beauty & the beast” & “the little mermaid.” the jim henson company has yet to deliver & the artistic failure behind “the skrumps” is all the reason to know why.

baby butts…

ok, this has annoyed me long enough.

what is the deal with showing a baby’s naked butt? is this supposed to be cute? i don’t get it.

showing an adult’s naked butt is considered offensive. the fcc (for those of you who don’t know, the fcc is an organization like a dictatorship; they can’t tell you what’s right or wrong before you do it but punish you when they finally decide that what you do is wrong – brilliant) comes down pretty hard on people nowadays for what happens on television or the like.

a baby’s butt – doesn’t even bat an eyelash. i don’t get it.

aren’t we (the us) supposed to be hard up against child porn? i didn’t realize that a baby’s butt is ok but a 16-year old butt or a 7-year old butt or, for that matter, any other aged butt is strictly a no-no. who made this loopy law?

now, before anyone calls me a prude – i’m not. i just want an even application of the law. i want an actual, logical reason for why everyone feels that exposing a baby’s butt is perfectly fine but other butts aren’t. naturally, you don’t want posteriors exposed that have no business being exposed. some people, for instance, are ugly all the way around. you can’t help that. that’s just the way some people are. those people can keep covered up for as long as they want.

for instance, at what stage is a baby’s butt no long a baby’s butt? what is that precise moment? we all know about the age of adulthood & legal consent & all that garbage. i just want to know what the precise moment of when it goes from being ok to expose a baby’s butt turns into child porn. that’s all. a clear, rational, logical explanation. if there is one. knowing my society, i’m guessing that there isn’t. rant over.

the whizzball report #1…

started = #436. ended = #432. net gain = +4.

the whizzball report #2…

started = 433. ended = 429. net gain = +3.

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