Weekend Edition…

r-point, hot fuzz, the spitzer ho, the whizzball report #1 & 2 all after the break…

note – want to leave a comment? read the “leaving comments” page first.

r-point…

so my parents have every cable channel available except for the hard core porn ones (fine by me, nothing can beat the internet on that) so i try to catch a movie every now & then to justify the fact that they sink “X” amount of dollars a month into having the privilege of watching b-rate garbage 24/7. i watch everyone on-demad nowadays anyway because i can’t waste time waiting for a movie to come on. if it’s not on-demand, i generally don’t watch it. thank you, technology.

so, the movie who’s description didn’t immediately suck when i read it was a movie named “r-point.” it’s a foreign film & if you’re a movie snob that means that it’s automatically good since, according to you, all american movies are mostly siht but that’s fine since i don’t pay attention to your type anyway.

the movie is set during the vietnam war & it has a bunch of vietnamese soldiers going to this deserted mansion out in the middle of nowhere to find a bunch of vietnamese soldiers who disappeared there but keep sending radio transmissions. i’m told that there’s a grain of real-life ghostly folklore attached to this movie but i didn’t bother reading any further since the movie doesn’t live up to the hype to begin with.

maybe im’ just a typical dumb american but this movie really didn’t do much for me. first off, all of the swearing in the movie was distracting – you couldn’t go a minute or two without someone swearing & after the first couple of times it just becomes a silly drinking game but don’t use it as a drinking game unless you want to go to the hospital with alcohol poisoning halfway through the movie because they really do swear a lot in the movie. just a warning.

also, the asians must really love their “spooky ghost girl” cliche because that’s here, too. sadly, the spooky ghost girl had a shelf life of spookiness of about zero movies & someone should tell movie execs to never allow anyone to make a movie that involves a spooky ghost girl ever again because all it did was turn me off.

finally, they never explain the whole reason why the place is haunted. is the radio haunted? is the spooky ghost girl behind it all? i don’t get it. remember, i’m just a stupid american & i don’t know anything so clearly it’s all my fault why i can’t fully appreciate this movie. if i followed the movie correctly, i guess the downfall of anyone going there is that they hallucinate about other dead people & get scared so they shoot at them but they are actually shooting at real people & the real people shoot back & everyone kills each other.

to be honest, there are freaky moments in the movie like in the beginning when you hear “long-horned beetle, this is donkey 30. over.” ok, that part was cool & some of the technical shots were cool. however, we’ve all seen the “he’s a ghost” revelation before, it was done before & i don’t know why, because a bunch of asians do it, why it’s suddenly so cool & chic again. if a bunch of foul-mouthed vietnamese soldiers going all psychotic & shooting at each other is your thing, then this is your movie. otherwise, i’ll watch “aliens” again.

hot fuzz…

i began watching this movie about a week or so ago but had to stop about an hour into it to do something important that didn’t have to do with watching movies. the movie was kind of dull up until then & i was thinking how it didn’t live up to it’s spiritual predecessor, “shaun of the dead,” because it didn’t have zombies in it.

fortunately, i was finally able to catch the last 40 or so minutes (i think i missed a little bit in the middle but it didn’t matter) earlier today & must say that the last part of the film not only saves the film but gets the film to surpass “shaun of the dead.” wow.

i’m not going to buy the dvd (too cheap) or build a shrine (too adhd to do that) or attempt to have sex (ew!) with this movie but it is well made, just like “sotd.” i think these guys are the british comedy equivalents of pixar.

without writing a glowing review, this is a good film that you need to see from start to finish in one sitting. the humor is british but that is actually a good thing because after watching bulk tons of american comedy (because, as all foreigners know, american = crap), i like seeing jokes that aren’t pop culture references (ok,  some of the jokes are sly references to action movie cliches but a lot of them aren’t) or have to do with genitalia or bodily functions. this doesn’t make me a snob, i just enjoy a little variety every now & then. cope.

about the only bad thing i can say about the film is that they definitely live by the “chekhov’s gun” rule in storytelling whereby if you introduce a golden bowling ball at the start of the movie they’ll use it to some important degree by the end. that rule is cute if it’s used sparingly but it is used all over the place in this film & made it a wee bit of a chore to watch because by the end i was wondering when such-&-such a thing would return &, sure enough, it did. that’s not a film anymore, it’s a stupid drinking game.

the elliot spitzer ho…

i swear, i wasn’t going to write another word about the whole elliot spitzer thing because everyone is doing it & i can’t offer anything new on the whole situation so i don’t want to capitalize on it.

however…

i hear the ho that was getting banged by spitzer doesn’t want the media to spread pictures of her overpriced & scantily-clad body all over the internet & such. she doesn’t want to be portrayed as a monster and blah bliddity blah blah.

ok. here’s the deal, ho. you were getting banged by the governor of new york. no one pressed a gun to your nipple & said, “get fcuked by the governor or else.” don’t claim that you don’t know what your own governor looks like. you knew you were getting banged by him, you knew the guy was married & you kept on accepting the man-meat more then a little happily ever after. so, face it, you are at fault.

as for your photos & all of the “unwanted” publicity… suck it up like the governor’s jizz because this is what you have earned for being his ho. if anything, i should hunt them down & post them on my blog, too, but i have more important things to do like ignore typing capital letters because i’m just too lazy.

in the end, shut up, pose for some nudie magazine, get a book deal, take the money & run. you have neither humility or decency so don’t expect people to give you respect. you don’t deserve it. bye bye.

the whizzball report #1…

started = #472. ended = #464. net gain = +7. days until #100 = 320.

the whizzball report #2…

started = #467. ended = #463. net gain = +1. days until #100 = 319.

the end.

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