28 weeks later, beverly hills chihuahua, twilight (2008 film), the whizzball report #1 & #2 all after the break…
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28 weeks later…
you know, i realize that everyone just loves trashing america. honest. you hate us, you hate us for reasons that are often ill-defined & that’s fine. hate us all you want. as long as don’t harm us or destroy any of our stuff, i don’t care. have your little hate demonstrations, love & promote your little hate politicians… it’s ok. i don’t hate you but if hating us gets you through your day a little easier, then fine. hate us.
i do have one small quibble, though, if i may interrupt your hatefest for just one, brief moment, if it’s ok with you – if you’re going to go the analogy route to hate us, at least make the analogy a good one. that’s all. you can go back to hating now, if you want.
see, i just watched the movie “28 weeks later” which is jam-packed with hate-filled analogy. ok, you’ll want to defend yourselves by calling it something else. fine. you say toe-may-toe, i say toe-mah-toe…
if you don’t know the franchise, the “28″ franchise is about a virus that instantly turns you into a fast-running zombie (ok, they’re not “zombies” but, for all practical purposes, they’re zombies). the first film, “28 days later,” was a sleeper hit & so the sequel was made.
the sequel, believe it or not, starts “28 weeks later,” aka 28 weeks after the virus spreads across merry ol’ england. apparently, all of the original zombies are now dead from starvation. i think all that running had something to do with it.
you’d think that the united nations might get involved with something as minor as a major civilized nation imploding but i guess they had better things to do. the movie says that “nato” (north american treaty organization) is involved with england’s repopulation effort but i didn’t exactly see any nato soldiers, just american soldiers. gee, you’d think that the french might get involved – after all, they only share the “chunnel” (a train tunnel connecting the two countries). of course not. once again, some other country takes a siht & we’re the ones who have to clean it up…
anyway, so, all of these people come back to merry ol’ england to repopulate it & everything is going just gangbusters until… we’ve got kids! apparently, some 12-year old is the youngest person in england & this gets the film’s pollyanna (some american female medical soldier) all bent out of shape.
the two kids who do cross the pond want to go to their old home & collect their things. unfortunately, their old home is outside “the green zone” (oh, thinly-veiled analogy to the iraq war, how you tempt me so…) where all good englanders are supposed to keep their arms & legs inside at all times. you know how kids are, though… tell them they can’t do something & 5 minutes later they’re plotting to do it anyways. those pesky kids!
the kids manage to sneak out of the green zone, go to their home where they find mom! but not just any mom, but a mom who was left for dead by her husband because her husband wimped out when their hiding place was attacked by the first wave of zombies. how did mom survive? apparently, she’s immune to the virus… maybe. we don’t know. pollyanna wants to run more tests but, those pesky contrived plot devices keep her away from doing so.
those same pesky plot devices then really turn the screws on america’s (oh, right, “nato”) efforts to repopulate england when dad tries to kiss mom & finds out that – surprise! – he’s not immune to the virus! he turns into a zombie, kills her, attacks others & sets off a chain reaction that completely unravels all that hard work those americans (sorry! i meant “nato”) were trying to do.
a group of 4 survivors (there were more but, of course, what fun would it be if we didn’t whittle down a few of them here & there during their journey) tries to make it out of the chaos alive. do they? of course not! silly viewer! optimism is for kids! no, really… it’s just the kids who survived. really. the same two squirts who started all this crap are the only two who really make it out of this unscathed.
boy, this film sucked. i mean, really… where do i even begin? ok, let’s start with…
- pickin’ on the americans (oh, wait, i meant “na..” no, actually, it is the americans this time). come on… talk about lame. the least you could’ve done was shown some french soldier, a german soldier… something to say that it was an international effort. doesn’t the “un” try to get involved with these sorts of things? russia, maybe? anyone?
- quarantine? so, let me get this straight. we’re good enough to get a portion of england back onto it’s feet. give you guys 24/7 electricity… running water… even give you a pub (ha ha, those accommodating americans… they think of everything!). unfortunately, security standards for quarantine… eh, we’re still working out the bugs, because…
- protecting the infected mama. gee, you just found someone who’s infected & yet they’re not a raving lunatic. what are you gonna do? i know! leave her with no military protection! after all, what’s the value of finding the first known survivor who seems to be immune to the rage virus?!
- protecting the brits. golly – let’s corral all the brits together in one place, shut them in & leave them. good idea! after all, if there truly is a possible virus-infected lunatic running around, what are the chances that they’ll find them? we can leave the brits unprotected… they’re brits! heck, leave ‘em alone for an hour, they’ll start improvising new “monty python” sketches all by their lonesome! no need for soldiers to actually “guard” them!
- daddy radar! this was just… lame. oh so lame. pathetically “who wrote this in?” lame. you know… does the rage virus give you the ability to almost telepathically know where your children are at any given moment? really. come on. enough. this sort of bleeds into…
- super daddy! ya know… i’m sure there’s a lot of truly talented brits out there. no sarcasm. they can do all sorts of wondrous things that would amaze the rest of us. good for you, you talented brits. however, i’m not quite sure that the american (damn! nato! nato, nato, nato!) military would give so much power & access to any given brit just 28 weeks after a pandemic wipes out their entire country. it’d be more like, “here, sir – enjoy your privilege of playing ping-pong whenever you like. we mean it. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. you are the master of this here ping pong table. enjoy.”
you know… i am actually tired of taking a siht on this movie. that is how bad this movie is. i was all set for quite a few more points but, you know, i’m tired & darn if i’m not going to get carpal tunnel because of my loathing for this movie. therefore, i’ll stop now & start preparing to loathe “28 months later” – yup, the sequel.
beverly hills chihuahua…
this. movie. is. weird.
congratulations, disney – you still have someone there who has a really, really warped sense of humor.
twilight (2008 film)…
i try to resist talking about films before they even open. apparently, though, this one is beginning to get significant buzz from the training bra crowd.
the movie is called “twilight” & it’s the story of “romeo & juliet” but with vampires, werewolves & mortals instead.
ok.
i don’t get it.
after seeing the teaser trailer, i don’t understand what all the hype is about. i’m sure i’m missing something, namely estrogen, since this movie &, indeed, the entire series of novels that the movie is based on is being touted as “‘harry potter’ for girls who just so happen to have pubic hair.”
having read the synopsis of the books released so far, this doesn’t really have a lot going for it if you’re a heterosexual male. it all centers around some chic who’s torn about how far she’s willing to go in a relationship with a male vampire. apparently, her other suitor is a werewolf who is none too pleased that she may be eternally humping a vampire. there you go – the series up to this point. i guess that, in the next book, the two suitors fight it out. or not. who knows.
young teenage girls seem to be such an easy crowd to market towards: just include boys & shopping. first it was the movie “titanic,” then it was “harry potter,” then “high school musical”…
i think i’m beginning to see a trend.
the whizzball report #1…
start = 333. end = 331. net gain = +2.
the whizzball report #2…
start = 331. end = 330. net gain = +1.
Tags: 28 days later, 28 weeks later, beverly hills chihuahua, twilight, whizzball
